Day 3 - 21 Days of Devotion
some thoughts on day 3 of 21 Days of Devotion
Where’s the Joy?
I woke up this morning to two memories of dreams lingering in my consciousness.
The first was about parachute jumping with my mom. We jumped from a platform. I remember the landscape being beautiful, but I felt annoyed with her through the jump, because she had gotten me a cheap parachute and we weren’t sure if it would work. When we landed, she told me I had opened my parachute too early. I took it as a criticism, and my mood worsened.
In the second dream, I received an email saying that I had been accepted for a three-month scholarship I had applied for in real life. I didn’t feel an inch of happiness. I remember how my dream body slowly got heavier by thinking about all the upcoming work.
Both dreams were overshadowed by a grey cloud of dissatisfaction. Mistrust, annoyance and fear. Where is the joy? I asked myself. Especially in the second dream, this would have been the expected normal reaction.
How do those dreams reflect my current waking life?
Where and how do I resist joy and mistrust life?
I started 21 Days of Devotion two days ago and it has been all about surrendering myself to the creative process and letting go of my mental ideas and beliefs.
Yesterday, my muse showed herself.
She is literally sitting at the source of my life energy.
The source of my joy.
She is my connection to the subtle realms and everything I can’t perceive with my conscious awareness. My intuition.
She operates completely different than my limited linear-thinking mind.
She doesn’t force me to listen. She always gives me the choice.
She asks: Do you want to be happy or do you want to tick off your todo list?
My strategy for the 21 days:
- Design and create category pages
- Upload all of my old posts
- Add new ones to the major categories plus some technical features.
In order to achieve that I break it down to smaller tasks and distribute them each day.
Her advice:
- Write about me.
- Write about your struggles.
- Write about your vision.
- WHY you’re doing all of this.
- Set the main anchors for the space, so you always remember why you started when facing challenges.
Then, wait for my next instructions.
I want to protest and disagree with her.
How am I going to finish anything if we get sidetracked all the time?!
She stays silent.
She already gave me all the answers I needed.
The process is never linear. The process can never be ticked off.
SHE is connected to the collective; SHE is the project manager who sees the bigger picture.
Well, I created this container which ironically is all about letting go of what I is the right thing.
Devotion means acknowledging the unseen forces.
Devotion means trusting (their) guidance.
Devotion means letting go of knowing.
How to Find Joy in Surrender
Asking the right questions
Instead of
‘How can I achieve xyz in the most efficient way?’
ask:
How can I be of service today?
The answer might take you away from your todo list.
The answer might point you to an area that will uplift the load of your todo list.
The answer might remind you to distance yourself from your work.
Sometimes, service means doing the work.
Sometimes, service means doing something that might not seem important or related to the work at first glance.
Sometimes, service means caring for the servant.
Holistic service vs tunnel view.
Facing the Resistance
I wrote down the limiting belief that is holding me back right now from surrendering:
I’m not allowed to feel happiness, if I haven’t proven that I’m worthy of it.
Being worthy means I have achieved all my mental goals and am earning good money.
My actions have to make sense and be driven by logic.
With the next breaths I put the focus right back into my body.
I AM happiness.
I’ve done enough inner work to KNOW with my whole being that this is the truth.
Do I step into the ring and fight with my illusory neurosis?
Or am I able to find a healthy distance and not identify with the arising content?
The choice is mine.