i spent more time on linkedin this week than with my own heart

i spent more time on linkedin this week than with my own heart.
more time handcrafting ai-polished applications in exchange for generic ai-generated rejections than talking to a real humans in real life.
more time staring at digital devices than walking through a forest.

finding a suitable job seems more impossible than finding an eligible man. the ‘search’ for the latter i replaced with a celibacy practice and devotion to god. the search for the former unfortunately cannot be replaced so easily, unless i

a) win the lottery
b) find a sustainable way to grow my own business
c) start an OF account
d) become a breatharian.

what to do?
i don’t know.

‘with the 48th gift, the gift is in what you don’t know’, richard rudd cheerfully elaborates in the 48th Gene Key’s meditation - my life’s purpose.
great, having no answer feels like the scariest answer in a world obsessed with hoarding knowledge.

i need to disengage.

maybe i’ll do some qigong tonight to cleanse my body.
maybe it’s time for chocolate.
maybe i’ll meditate and ask for answers.
maybe i’ll watch a series to distract myself.
maybe i’ll finish this post, hit enter & go to bed early.

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life feels like an endless transition state
between births & deaths,
refusing to be anything other
than an ever-evolving, unfathomable mystery.