a review of my twenties #1: here's to a decade of adventures

I’m less than two months away from my 30th birthday.
Two months left of being a twentysomething.

My Saturn Return in Aries has officially begun some weeks ago.
And yes, it has been brutal so far.
I’ve been stuck in a 10-month job searching process, having spent almost a year at my parents’ place.
Not exactly the kind of life I imagined for myself at the end of my twenties.
But as the universe always has its own hidden timing, I just signed a job contract a few days ago and will start a new job and move to a new city in less than a month, right before my 30th birthday.
Yep, that happened.

During the nerve-wracking time of unemployment, I’ve deconstructed all my major choices in my 20s, trying to understand where I could have done better.

And I always came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t change anything.

I don’t regret a single thing.

I’m looking back at all its ups and downs with nothing but gratitude, awe, empathy, love & pride.

At the beginning of my twenties, I was at rock bottom from depression, a darkness I carried with me since childhood that completely took over my life during my electrical engineering studies.

All I wanted was for the suffering, pain and self-loathing to end.
All I wanted was to be happy and live.
Exchanging the dissociating, empty shell for simple joy and lightness.

Eventually, therapy introduced me to my inner world and emotions. Spirituality led me back to Source.

I slowly found my way back to life again, and after finishing my degree I was already quite disillusioned with all the worldly pursuits.
I decided to answer the inner call to venture out and find God. I had no idea what it exactly meant at that time, but I knew that I wanted to devote my life to the study of the metaphysical realms.

The Unknown was calling and I willingly, though afraid, took the leap and chose the adventure.

My biggest fear has always been living a straight, linear, predictable life. Ironically, my twenties turned out to be full of detours and side quests.
I got to experience a variety of environments and communities, each forging me into the person that I’m today.
Some interesting, others painful, all of them enriching.
My CV is full of gaps and far from what anyone would expect from a perfect Chinese immigrant daughter.

Over the next weeks I’d like to share the most pivotal decisions and learnings with you.

Each Sunday, I’ll be revisiting one of the stops that shaped me most — a voluntary psychiatric clinic, a spiritual community, the nomad years, a root-seeking journey through China and Taiwan, the return home and a year of unemployment.

Here’s to a decade of losing and finding myself.
Rigidity and chaos.
Cursing at and surrendering to God.
Breaking out of cages and drowning in the ocean.
Bowing to unchangeable forces and rebelling from the inside.

A decade of falling apart and being reborn.
Becoming and arriving.

Walking between worlds.

Overcoming both mental and physical chronic illness.
Learning radical acceptance, forgiveness, and self-love through obstacles.
Learning humility, gratitude, and compassion through relationships.

Finding God. Finding purpose. Finding love.

Joy in the midst of grief. Home in the midst of loneliness.