an evening walk after a busy week

It’s officially month 5 in my new role as IT consultant.
My monthly target is increasing and it comes with a certain amount of pressure.

I don’t know if I’m okay.
I still haven’t gotten used to this high-performing full-time role.
Still haven’t gotten used to having so little time left at the end of the day.
To the noise at the office, or the extremely mind-driven environment of a tech company.
It’s a crime that post-covid most tech companies aren’t remote-first anymore and demand their employees to be at the office most of the week.

I do get along with all my colleagues, and consider the general vibe of the office uplifting and healthy so far.
However, for a highly sensitive person, crowded open space offices can feel like torture chambers for the senses, no matter how nice the colleagues are.

I’m crying a lot to release the overwhelm.
Chronically tired.
I have scratched the edges of burnout many times and have invested a lot of energy to steer away from it through radical rest and practicing self-love.

My mind circles nonstop around work-life balance and what I can add to or remove from my life to feel a little bit better every day.

I’m proud that I survived this setup so far whilst being completely new in Berlin.
Building my life from scratch, which included moving three times this year.

The last move will be the last one for a long while.

I can already feel how curating my own space and intentionally cultivating a loving, cozy space supercharges my root chakra.

Owning my choices

I keep returning to what I can control, which is everything that happens once I close the work laptop.

Despite it being very difficult, I can choose how to recenter myself and find ways to cool off the mind, which has been running on high-speed.
I deliberately chose an apartment on the city outskirts, close to nature, so regular walks can become a habit instead of a distant dream.

The density and energetic vortex of an office space and a crowded city cannot be underestimated.

For now, I don’t have a solution other than growing my own vortex.

Knowing that when the right time comes, it will magnetise the right opportunities and open different portals of realities.