I came here to grieve

I came here to grieve.

And I came here to create beautiful new memories with friends.

Ecstasy is not an extreme state of joy. It’s the result of sadness & joy making love inside us.

— The Sphere of the SQ by Richard Rudd

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I find it fascinating to observe how grief moves.

When I arrived on Madeira in 2023 for the first time, it was after my spiritual community fell apart. Madeira was the feather bed that caught me instead of letting me hit the asphalt.

Two years later, shortly before I came now for a second time, I got in touch with another layer of that grief again. And for some reason, I found a place to stay on the island that had been in the heart of a wildfire two years ago.

I went for a walk again this morning through what is left of the forest.

The entire environment feels strangely healing.

Do trees suffer? I wondered. Can they feel pain?

I hope you can rest now.

I spoke prayers of healing and asked for support.
I sat in silence with the trees.
We were connected by our shared grief.
I offered my presence and empathy.

We will be fine, I told them.

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For the past three days I’ve been crying with the trees, letting my emotions flow in the morning, and then going to the village to see my friends in the afternoon and evening.

I thoroughly enjoyed being with all of them. Some I haven’t seen in a long time. We hugged, laughed, and shared stories about our adventures on the island.

It felt completely liberating to allow myself to feel the wide range of emotions that wanted to come through during a single day.

Maybe this the ecstasy that Richard Rudd is talking about.
Sadness (of grief) doesn’t need to be a heavy emotion, but a light dance partner, a lover, to joy.