i cry (pt 1)

how many bathtubs of tears
do i need to fill
before the crying stops?
i asked my therapist
many years ago.

he laughed.
i can’t tell you.
it’s okay.
let it flow.

and then,
after a year of weekly sessions,
there finally came the day
when the tears stayed absent
during the hour on the coach
where i normally choked on my words
and did my best
not to smear my snot
all over my face.

#milestoneunlocked

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i wish i could cry like you
she said with grey-clouded, dry eyes,
her pain written all across her face,
her tensed body unable to relax.

it was in that moment
when i began to understand
that my tears can be a permission,
an invitation for others.

the world of water,
deep current and unseen forces
has always been the air i breathe.

a fish, ashamed
of its incapability to climb a tree.
secretly longing
to find other fish to swim with.

#whereismyfishtribe