Monthly Review - May 2026
Hi friends,
I’ve been thinking a lot about metamorphosis lately.
How states of unknowing and transition are pathways for transforming oneself into a completely different form. Usually we mark home, career and romantic relationship as the anchors in life we move toward or away from. Often it can also be health, family, or communities.
Change can be activated through unexpected events, an intuitive nudge or a clearer calling.
Life always brings the change we need at the right time.
When it comes to major life events, it’s rarely up to us how the stages of metamorphosis will unfold. When the final stage will be reached. How it will even look like.
We can do our best to play along as well as we can. Keep walking in the dark. Experiment and learn the difference between how alignment and distraction feel. Surrender to the process. Watch how hidden parts of ourselves rise to the surface. Fall apart again and again. Find (new) ways to love and integrate them.
Reawaken dormant gifts we forgot about.
There will be sacrifices and deaths.
No stone left unturned.
At the end, you might not recognise the new version you have become.
Or you realise that this is who you have been all along.
A New Beginning After a Full Cycle
Two years ago, I wanted to find a permanent base (ideally in Asia).
One year and a half ago, I got laid off.
Since then, I’ve been… in transition. Somewhere in between, having imagined a million different lives for myself. Working in a corporate 9-5 was not on my vision board, so life gave me some (limited) space to explore a few of my dreamier visions — just to get (positively) disillusioned by them.
The difficult job market demanded my inner warrior come out and pave the way for a more sustainable, grounded future that still contains the magic I was afraid of losing.
I’m not the person I was two years ago and I’m very happy about it.
I’m very happy that many visions didn’t come alive the way I wanted.
Having lived in a spiritual community for two years and as a digital nomad for one year had made me deeply reluctant about returning to society — let alone a conventional job.
But sometimes that’s what a hero’s journey demands.
For the hero to return home, integrate the learnings and share the gifts.
A few weeks ago, I finally received a job offer in Berlin.
A company I can stand behind, work that will stimulate my brain in the best ways and a team culture that I’ll genuinely enjoy. With the option to relocate to an office in Asia after two years.
I accepted.
I was in shock for many days. My body responded to the tension release with a day of toothache and a week of lower back pain.
March and April were the most challenging months I had in a long time due to the difficult job searching process.
Being a squirrel on speed and a paralysed koala at the same time.
Excitement came slowly.
First, I watched how happy my friends and family were for me.
Then, when I found a suitable apartment a week later, I could feel how the shock was wearing off and I gradually got in touch with excitement and anticipation.
Letting reality in.
As I’m typing this, I travelled 600km across Germany yesterday and moved into my new apartment. I start my new role as an IT Consultant tomorrow at 9am in the office. I have survived my first work week, haven’t unpacked yet, and am late with publishing.
While I was stuck and directionless for a long time, now everything is falling into place at high speed like dominoes. Including many beautiful synchronicities I never could have expected.
The best things that came out of this period of high uncertainty?
Deeper faith in God.
Deeper gratitude for my parents.
Deeper appreciation for everyone who supported me.
Deeper compassion for myself.
Deeper love for the mystery.
I feel humbled and grateful, and I’m looking forward to this chapter of maturity, integration, and lots of magic.
Living With Parents as an Adult
Packing and moving out was surreal.
I first moved out from my parents’ place at age 17 to study. Came back for a few months at 24, before moving to Portugal. A year ago, I moved in again to save on rent during unemployment.
There was a lot of shame in the beginning.
I felt like a complete failure, being (partly) dependant on their support again.
Our relationship growing up was difficult, as in many families, and I thought I would go crazy after two weeks.
But there is something interesting about staying a longer period of time:
At some point a different dynamic reveals itself.
I got to know them in many different ways.
Whereas on the phone or during short visits we only do superficial small talk, sharing everyday life taught me about the details.
The name of my mum’s colleagues, the latest life updates on people from my dad’s gym. My parents’ daily routines, their current favourite food and how many snails they caught that day in the garden. Little details that I never bothered to care about or notice before (ignorant, I know). More context in the way they live and act, which makes me understand them more. (A situation that may sound dramatic on the phone may actually be quite insignificant when you have more context.)
Of course we did have many arguments and difficult conversations. We all learned a lot from them — myself definitely included.
It’s interesting to keep reestablishing the relationship as an adult and making an effort to take full responsibility for my actions, words and emotions.
“If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.”
— Ram Dass
My parents took me in without complaining, included me in their meal preparations, and didn’t want any financial compensation (of course, I made sure to contribute financially and energetically as much as I could). I definitely wasn’t the most comfortable person to deal with during the intense periods of my job search and I think I would have thrown myself out.
But despite the difficulties, they kept loving me.
I continue to learn what unconditional love, forgiveness and care means.
In this post, Tim Urban talks about how on average we use up 93% of our in-person time with our parents after high school graduation.
I kept thinking that I was given a unique opportunity to spend more time with mine and to work through our differences. The Venus Sequence by the Gene Keys helped me tremendously with opening my heart and remaining open.
One day, I might even miss fighting with them — because that means at least I can see them once again and feel that underneath the constant nagging and worrying lies pure love.
Meditating in the Forest
simply being
reconnecting with an old school friend
i visited my best friend from high school in her new house and met her fiancé.
we both couldn’t believe that it’s been 21 years since we’ve known each other. she kept referring to her life as making a lot of adult choices. we both were laughing at the absurdity that we still feel like children around each other, but are now older in adult bodies living adult lives.
no one told me that adulting is such a long process.
may i never become boring and stiff.
the coolest older people i know are children at heart who make wise choices.
privacy is a spectrum
…and big tech doesn’t care.
We’ve been living in the midst of a real life Black Mirror episode for many years and the more I stop and reflect, the more bizarre everything becomes.
Since May 8, Instagram’s messages are officially no longer end-to-end encrypted.
Meaning they can read all of your messages.
The sad thing? Most people won’t even care.
I also just understood that the end-to-end option before was an opt-in feature that needed to be manually activated for each chat — not a default as I assumed.
Meaning that all of my messages were transparent all along anyway.
They argued that barely anyone was using the very cleverly hidden feature.
As if the six-figure UX/UI designers employed by the multibillion-dollar empire didn’t hide it on purpose.
They also brought in child protection as a reason for this decision, which feels like an outrageous thing to say.
They have never cared about the wellbeing of children or any of their users.
I don’t know what to say. I’m too tired to be boiling. I’m glad I’m no longer caught in Instagram’s dopamine whirlpool. I’m thinking about leaving WhatsApp at some point.
Reflecting on all of this from a distance makes every little step toward Orwell’s 1984 even clearer.
We’ve been numbed out by so many horrendous news in recent years.
From time to time, the lack of outrage on something like this, gives me the chills.
listened to
watched
Comfort is the killer of creativity
Artistic uplifter by David Choe. I have observed in myself how I desperately turn to creating when I’m uncomfortable, as if gasping for air. The more uncomfortable I am, the more I create for emotional survival, and the less I care about any outcome or opinions.
And on the contrary: sometimes when I’m too comfortable, I can become lethargic, anxious, almost frozen in terms of creation.
So how do I make life the sweet spot between discomfort and comfort?
read
Ryder Carroll - The Bullet Journal Method
I got tired of using digital productivity systems and decided to give analog planning another go.
This time, I set up a bullet journal according to the original method by founder Ryder Carroll.
It has been a gamechanger.
I always got distracted by all the artistic, colorful spreads and drawings on Pinterest — feeling inspired, but mostly overwhelmed.
But did you know that the original method is so simple that there really is no excuse not to do it every single day?
It only requires a journal, a pen and 5 minutes.
I’m so glad I’m finding my way back to simplicity.
I signed up for my first calisthenics competition!
Talking about divine timing — if I had received a job offer earlier I wouldn’t have known about the competition in Mid July and wouldn’t have gotten the chance to ask my calisthenics coach to help me with the preparations. We did an anamnesis just a few days before I moved to Berlin.
Being in the presence of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve is a gift and nothing but inspiring. She showed me the potential I wasn’t able to see. We recorded a one rep max pull-up and dip with weights I would have never thought possible at my level.
I’ll receive a training plan and online support from her in the next weeks.
My main goal is to go through this journey injury-free.
With curiosity about how much potential I can unleash if I dedicate myself for this focused time — and how I can improve further in the future.
Working out four times a week with proper nutrition and sleep is definitely a little bit crazy in combination with moving and starting a new job.
There’s so much I want to write about this — will keep you updated.
hello berlin, i am excited about how you will transform me.
Monthly Newsletter